*Written October 23rd 2019*
Today my brother and I are flying down to Florida to say goodbye to my Dad’s condo. A day I knew would have to come, and thought I was ready for, but maybe not so much.
When my Dad passed away, the last thing I ever thought I would do was sell his place. He made his condo the very essence of himself. He gutted it and made it his own paradise. It’s a peaceful and beautiful place. Like out of a dream, really.
I couldn’t let it go for the longest time; I was too attached. I felt my Dad there when we went to visit. How do you say goodbye when you can feel someone’s essence and being so loud and clear.
Austin always wanted to sell it, which I can completely understand now. Being a landlord from far away is not the easiest of tasks, especially if you don’t have the best of tenants. Not that our tenants were terrible, but the last for sure was more of a headache then I could have possibly imagined.
Still, I just could never get myself to a point of saying let’s sell the place.
I did, though, promise that if it meant we were losing money, I would sell it in a heartbeat. BUT, that is not why we are selling it. I mean a little, but it’s more than that.
I had had an epiphany. I finally knew why I was holding on SO tightly to my father’s place. It wasn’t that I LOVED the condo; it wasn’t that the view was too much to give up; it wasn’t that I felt my Dad the most down in Florida. It was, and I can’t believe it took me so long to realize, but the only place my
This realization was huge! Because the second I realized it, I knew it was time to let it go. I didn’t need a condo that hasn’t technically been his for about seven years now. I didn’t need furniture that was no longer his, or the pool to swim in. It wasn’t like we could stay there since we leased it out.
I still have Delray. I will always have those memories stored in my head. I don’t need to own something for me to remember the good times.
I will NEVER forget the view that he had from his balcony. I will always remember the moments that he meditated outside, or the morning coffee talks we shared in the morning. I will never forget that he always made the most
There are so many amazing memories with my Dad in that condo. But there are also the memories I got to have in it after he was gone.
Austin and I had made it a tradition to go down almost every year since my Dad has passed, and we always make new memories. This trip will be no different. Delray is not going anywhere. And just because we sell the condo does not mean I lose the memories that came along with it.
Yes, I am terrified to actually say goodbye.
BUT I also know that it is something I HAVE to do. It is another door to close and let myself move on. Will I cry? Absolutely! Will I be sad to say goodbye? Of course! But you know what? I will have my brother there
I am also writing this while on the plane. I am using telling this story to distract me from one of my biggest fears. FLYING!
This trip is more than just facing the goodbye I have to say to my Dad’s condo and things. It is about making sure I don’t let my fears rule my life. It may terrify me. Every aspect; the saying goodbye, the not being in control thousands of miles up in the sky. But I will NOT let fear rule me.
So, for now, I am going to choose to be thankful that I have the chance to say goodbye to the condo instead of just selling it and getting rid of it. To have time with family, I don’t get to see that often, and spending some good old quality brother-sister time.
And I am thankful that Austin and I are in this together. It means we each have someone to lean on, someone who cares, and can you ask for anything more than that?
“It’s not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.” -Anon
