Some of my posts won’t always be in order. My brain jumps around and there are so many different things I want to talk about. I want to also focus on the positive things. Only recently have I been able to let go of some of my anger entirely. And one thing I need to do is acknowledge how much I need to give my mom credit. When I still thought things were picture perfect, she knew that they weren’t and she hid it so well. You’d never have thought anything was wrong. She shielded us for as long as she could. She was a stay at home mom; she was always there to do things. I was also a very active high strung kid, and I know I didn’t always make things easy for her.
Continue reading “Mom”Telling His Story
Sometimes writing about my dad makes me feel like I am betraying him. He never wanted people to know his story, so why do I have the right to share it? He was astonishingly good at hiding his “inner demons” from others. Of
Do’s and Don’ts After Rehab
My dad always had his relapses. We always tried to get him into rehab centers, but most rehab centers won’t take you if your blood alcohol level is too high. They send you to detox, which will most likely be your local hospital or a hospital nearby, or a holding cell in a police station. So my dad would detox, come out sober and say he didn’t need to go into treatment. He had gone to rehabs, but it was mostly detox vs. rehab. Or it took calling the police when it got so bad to take him to detox because he wouldn’t go on his own. He would attend AA every now and again, but he just couldn’t find one that he “liked.”
Continue reading “Do’s and Don’ts After Rehab”Big Brother
Austin is ten years older than me, and one of the most important people in my life. Sometimes, I forget just how lucky I am to have him.
Continue reading “Big Brother”Father/Daughter Trip
After I found out my dad was an alcoholic, we went on one of our father/daughter trips. We went to Rhode Island, close to the beach and close to Mystic, CT where we planned to spend a whole day. I was excited and nervous. It was our first trip together after he almost died from drinking the rubbing alcohol.
Continue reading “Father/Daughter Trip”D.U.I.
I had a friend whose house phone number was one digit off from my house phone. We were close friends and grew up in the same neighborhood; we had stayed in touch when I moved away. Well, one night I get a call from her, and she seem frantic. “Hey, so the cops called asking for your mom. I told them they had the wrong number and gave them yours.” As she says this the call waiting beeps come through, I quickly say thanks they are calling now and hang up and switch over.
Continue reading “D.U.I.”The Other Side
There’re two sides of my dad 1) The amazing most generous loving man and 2) Drunk and crazy. It’s hard to have to go back and forth with drinking, dry drunk, sober, and back to drinking. It’s a circle of pure hell.
Continue reading “The Other Side”Picture Perfect Family
Picture Perfect
I always felt when I was younger I had the most picture-perfect family. Two very loving parents, and an amazing big brother. We had family vacations and lots of love. Only that wasn’t really the case. There was a lot of hiding and lying. I can understand it, it was to protect me, but sometimes I wish I was more prepared because when shit hit the fan I felt like my whole world had stopped.
Continue reading “Picture Perfect Family”