Guidelines To Letting Go

My therapist gave me an amazing basic guideline of letting go. I’ve read it so many times and it’s amazing how every single line hits home, how I’ve never learned to let go. It absolutely will take time to heal and let go, but I wanted to share how each one really relates. This piece is a poem from an unknown source

Every single line in this poem hits home, and I am sure to every individual it will hit home to something specific to them. It doesn’t have to be an addiction either. It can be anything.

 1.) I did try to care enough for my dad and I, instead of letting him try to love himself. I couldn’t care/love enough for the both of us; as much as I tried. 

2.) I would threaten to cut off my dad when he drank. And I tried to control what I couldn’t. I let it overtake my own life. If only I could stop his drinking he would be nicer, he won’t kill himself, etc, etc.

3.) It’s hard not to enable. For friends, family, even acquaintances. It took me a while to not enable. But I can tell you how many people did, not knowing what they were doing. Bringing my dad drinks when they were told not to. That person has to hit rock bottom as much as that’s the last thing you want to happen. 

4.) To surrender? Well, how do you surrender? How to allow “natural consequences” to happen? Because to me thinking of natural consequences meant death. How do you allow yourself to surrender when you fear if you surrender everything ends? Because even after someone is gone you will need to learn to let go.

5.) How not to try and change or to set blame? How do you focus on yourself when all you can think of is how to make everything better? How to not set blame when so many times you’ve been hurt over and over again. 

6.) How do you not fix what you think needs fixing? You want things in life to work. You want the people you love to be okay. How do we be supportive when you see something falling apart?

7.) How do you not judge? Especially when the other person has been horrible to you or has made horrible mistakes and decisions? Of course they are human beings but how do you let go of that?

8.) How do you not put yourself right in the middle? How do you not try to make things fit an outcome that feels right in your head? To allow someone to follow a destiny, you may find terrifying? 

9.) How do you not try to deny what goes on? How do you accept that this is what life is? That there is no way to control?

10.) How the hell do you not nag or yell when that’s the only emotion you feel when something bad happens?! How do you cherish days that feel awful and sad? 

11.) To not try to adjust things to go the way you want. How do you cherish every day when you’re terrified that it will be the last day?

12.) How do you not regret your past when all you feel is that you fucked up, or that you could have done more? When you can’t see a future that is full of growth and love?

13.) How do you not fear every single damn moment in life? Love. Of course, we all love. But to fear less? I’d love to fear less, it’s just not that easy.

All of these made no sense to me when I was younger and going through what I was going through. Looking back now I can say that all of what I tried to do failed. I tried to care when my dad just didn’t and found myself upset every time I couldn’t control an outcome.

I tried to fix what I thought was wrong. I judged. of course I judged! How can you not judge when you’re being called names and being treated awful? But I know now that he wasn’t the person I knew when he was drinking. He could not help himself. So how can you judge someone for something they have no control over?

All the things I let myself get lost in; failed. We can try all we want to fix, to yell, to adjust, to blame, etc, etc. In the end, every person is on the journey for themselves. We can be there but we cannot let ourselves get so entangled that we miss out on our own lives. Which is exactly what I did. I did not take the time to learn about myself because I was so wrapped up in trying to change what I couldn’t. 

I let my dad control my life. Not because he told me to but because I couldn’t learn these amazing valuable lessons. Again I read this poem and it hits so hard how every single line is true. Fear less, love more! Yes!

I am sad that I am only able to learn this now, but I am happy nonetheless that I have. At whatever age, young or old it’s an amazing thing to learn and to accept. 

I wish I could have learned all of this when I was younger, but at the time I don’t think I would have accepted any of it. Only we have the choice to change our own lives, not anyone else’s. To let go doesn’t mean we don’t love or care. It means that we are going to do the right thing for ourselves. And that is a hard thing to do because not everyone can figure it out on their own. 

Love, care, be there but don’t let it overcome you. Allowing someone else’s problems, or diseases overrun your life will only destroy you. But you have the power to change that at any point. And that is something beautiful if you can. I will try my best to remember this every single day because it’s a great reminder that we cannot always be in control over others. We have to accept them for who they are, flaws and all, otherwise it’s just us we are hurting.