I had lived in Danbury for ten years (so just until after 5th grade). I was so excited to go to the middle school where all my other friends were going. My parents had a different plan in mind. They wanted a better school for me and they “found” it. I was devastated. I didn’t want to start in a brand-new school where I knew no one!
We ended up in a small town close to Danbury, where if you weren’t preppy or a
It was okay at first. I was outgoing, so I had made a bunch of new friends. That didn’t last long. This one girl who had been my friend (let’s call her Shyla) decided she didn’t like me anymore. She had seemed nice, but she had pure psycho rage inside her. She got other girls to join in with her, and I had been outcast. I’m sure in your heads your thinking there had to be something I did, right? No. It came out of nowhere.
Every day she called me names. She and her friend (*1) would call my house every single day calling me “ugly, skank whore, bitch, hoe,” and everything else you can imagine. Every day we were pulled into the school Counselors office. It never helped. I went home crying every single day. T
My mom even tried to reach out to this one girl’s mom, who played dumb. It was all me. Yeah, it was me; because after her whispering in my ear nasty things as I was walking to my mom’s car, I screamed “Bitch!” at her. I finally had stood up and said something for myself. (Yes maybe not the best way to respond but I had been pushed and pushed.) But sure it wasn’t her daughter, it was me. Her mom was exactly like her so no wonder she was how she was. And still is.
By this time my Danbury friends seemed to fade more and more. I turned into myself and hated every inch of my body and self. They made me feel worthless; someone even sent me a bottle of Zoloft as a joke. Girls are brutal. Why do we treat each other this way? I didn’t know how much more I could take. So, I started to gravitate to the girls who I also thought might be good friends. Friends who when we transitioned into high school taught me how to smoke pot and start drinking. Just like my father, I was slowly making decisions that led me to do what he did.
I needed an escape, and these girls were there. When I look back on it now, they were just as vicious. I was an easy target. I wanted to fit in so badly. I didn’t want to be a loner and they knew my parents had money. I was used so they could get what they wanted. And they would make me feel like shit just because they could. Why did I keep hanging out with these people?
Because they taught me how to numb myself instead of think.
Sometimes when I look back, I think: would I have gone down this road if I had stayed in Danbury? I had good friends, and they were good people. If I had them for support would I have fallen so far down the rabbit hole? I know we shouldn’t look back in life and only forward, but I still can’t help but wonder if maybe my life would have been different, but then again would I be who I am today?
If I could have females take one thing away from this piece it would be to realize we are all human. We all have feelings. Be kind to one another even when it seems hard. We all have things we struggle through. To be mean and vicious or to use someone is no way at all to treat a human being. Say sorry and mean it and reach out to that one person you may not want to and be nice to them. One nice thing could mean the world to someone. Bullying is not okay. We should be a team, united — not people who pick each other apart.
*1- The other girl in this story, her name is Ambyr, and I adore her. She realized what she was doing was wrong. We talked it out eventually and now is one of my best friends. She hates that part of her life, but it’s okay Ambyr – you apologized and had the guts to come to